I am sure that you all are wondering what happened to Deedy and me after we left New Orleans on Thursday. I'll get to that in tomorrow's blog. But right now I am in Portland, taking a road break before heading home. I have spent the day in the hospital, sitting bedside with a dear friend.

I met Agnes when I first moved to Oregon back in 1975. At the time she was the mother to three young daughters and I was a college coed at Oregon State University. This past Christmas week Agnes was diagnosed with lung cancer. This past week doctors told Agnes and her family that the cancer is too fast growing to fight with chemo. They have given her two weeks to two months.

As I sat beside her bed I shared with Agnes how I could not recall any of the lectures I heard at Oregon State that year I lived with her. I can't even recall the names of any of the classes I took. But I do remember that she made each of her daughters stuffed animals for Christmas, and how Agnes stood at the kitchen window looking up at the mountains of the Willamette Valley and quoted from one of her favorite scriptures: "I look unto the hills from whence comes my strength."  I also remember all the long talks we had, how her daughter AnneMarie prayed "I am lonely for my daddy" (he was away on a teaching sabbatical). Agnes was the first woman I ever witnessed nurse a baby. She was the first to teach me how to bake bread from scratch. I thought I was at OSU to get an education. I got one but I learned more in 1975 living with Agnes & her girls than I did in my 4 years in the classroom.

Today we spoke of death. Several years ago I read A Severe Mercy, a book about grief. The book contains excerpts of letters between C.S. Lewis and a gentleman whose wife had died at a young age. The man asked Lewis if he thought the dead missed us the way we miss them. Lewis said he could find no reason to suggest they didn't. Lewis's response has helped fashion my own view of the afterlife.

I think it's like going away to college. You love your new environment. You're excited to be there. But there are times when you grow homesick. You remember your mom. Your room. Your favorite hangout. And all the fun you had growing up. Your family calls and says how much they miss you and that makes you all the more homesick. But no matter how homesick you are, you aren't about to leave college. There's so many new people to meet. Such exciting things going on. So while you might miss what was, you are too thrilled with your new adventure to return home.

I know one of the hardest things for Agnes is the thought of not seeing her grandchildren grow up. I told her I believe she will. It only makes sense to me that if we are made in God's image and God knows all that we are doing that our loved ones who've died know all these things, too. I have always believed that my father knows exactly what's going on in my life. I believe he knows my children by name and is as proud of them as they are of him. Agnes said it's comforting to think that she will know what's going on in her family's life even if she's not here to share it with them.

 

Thanks for sharing. I've known the Ferngrens for a long time. Agnes is a great, godly woman.

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